Chuckling I love you
Of course Betty. I love you, too
And I know I made you wait a long time
Yeah, a long
Well tonight that all ends do you mean?
Chuck
Tonight is the night I'm going to give myself to you
I'm ready to take things to the next level
Are you sure we're gonna do it? Yeah?
All right
They tied me you're walking so
I bought ads
Yeah
But
Now that my virginity is behind us, I think I'm ready to take things to the next level
What do you mean I thought we just did
Come on Joe don't be coy. You know what I mean you know
Seriously
Yeah, I love you chuck, and I know you love me
Wow I
know
that fucking rule
but but what
well
It's just now that the ass. Axe is in the bag. I think we're ready to take things to the next level
The level is there
I rush things
Same shake is the night before you crazy. I can have the same chick coming around two nights in a row
Ordering on a relationship with this. I like to play the field. Let's see this is exactly what I don't understand
How does he do it? I mean he just goes out and gets it done, man. That's how he does it?
I mean you can't sit around wait for Santa to bring you some ass under the tree dude. How psyched you for first period
Mr.. Matthew sex ed class man the teacher total freak can't wait to go in there and talk about all the apps. We've slammed
It's gonna be awesome, bro
No doubt bro. I
Can't take this class why not
Why not? Did you not just hear that conversation? Yeah weird is how much ass we've slam Debra?
Exactly lonely the class is just gonna be with a bunch of pervs. Who are open about their sex life and frankly
I don't know. What's that not bad looking
Ninja legs work, and I'm not gonna have sex with just anybody because I know that's what you two are thinking right now. Sorry
Hey Betty
Okay, we got a lot to do a little time to cover it I can feel the sexuality brewing in here already
What do you mean oh no, you've been trying to tap that since the fifth grade, this is an opportunity
You're in a class with her go talk to her, huh?
What would I say listen all a girl wants is for you to be yourself so do that yourself or just?
Shake your dick at her. You know whatever feels right?
Hey Stacy it looks like we're gonna be having sex together
Edie class sex ed class together, I'm sorry
Yeah
My name is mr.. Matthews
First off. There's no teachers in here just a bunch of people exploring their sexuality
Right so once you enter through that door you're coming through a no-bullshit zone. That's right. I said bullshit uh
We're keepin it real in here people now listen up
Teen sexuality is a living breathing thing and we're gonna explore that concept from every different angle
We can get our greasy little hands on and you're gonna share. I'm gonna share right now hell
I've had sex with koi fish there. I said it
Sometimes you find me make it down the bottom of a fun ball pool at your local fast food restaurants true story
okay, let's do a little role-playing exercise in here I
Want each and every one of you to decide that you're gonna have sex with someone for the very first time
Okay partner up people Stacey needs a partner seize the day, bro. Yeah screw the day seize the booty
That's a good union there. I like that I saw that when I came in
Mr.. Matthews yes, I don't think there's any girls left
Like human sexuality isn't always between man and woman stand up Doug
Class I'd like to introduce you to our first gay couple Mike and Doug
Just because they'll be experimenting with man-on-man lovemaking and a assorted homo buggery don't treat them any differently
Mike I think you're gonna be on bottom, okay
I'll be the stay-at-home dad
So Matt what advice do you have for young people about sex advice?
Guys be responsible you know always
wear a rubber
Of course it feels way better to do it with that one
Unless of course it's a Vietnamese Hooker
And I think you just take your chances as long as there's the naked chick somewhere in the room
You are not gay. If you have an STD do not tell your partner. It is a lose-lose situation
Fellas be nice to your partner in the morning if she needs a ride home
Point her to the nearest bus stop before you go back to sleep
Be a good guy
Today one out of three young adults has a sexually transmitted disease
And letting the former hookup know that you got genital cooties can be pretty hard
Now there's an easier way
At STD e cards you can share the bad news with one click
Pick from such messages as you gave me your heart. I gave you, gonorrhea or
Thanks for the blowjob. Sorry about the herpes
It's from Kevin
You hooked up with this weekend. Yeah, what to say?
Roses are red violets are blue. I gave you syphilis when we screwed at the zoo
That was easy STD e cards, we're bad news travels fast
Hi Karla oh
Hey
Hey listen, um I know it's kind of last-minute
But um. I want to know if you maybe want to go to the prom with me tonight. Oh
I'm sorry Justin someone already asked me three weeks ago
Okay, that's sorry. I have fun, though
Using these since the Eisenhower administration can I help you?
She's a real beaut isn't she
Right I
Wish we'd met years ago so much
The one thing I can't that's all much love
I always want to celebrate candy, too
Justin I haven't seen you around much lately
I'm busy
Well problem wasn't the same without you
Really, yeah, I was wondering if we could go out sometime me and you dinner maybe Saturday night
And just when I thought the night could not get any worse
He pukes all over. My dress was a horrible
She's still beautiful, huh?
Thanks
I didn't I had vomit all over me so
What no that's ridiculous, I'm gonna play poker with some of the guys don't worry, I'm right
Hello
Who is this
Anyone there
Look don't be a pussy. Just tell me who it is
Stop calling me another prank cop
I
Know what you're up to and it's gotta stop leave Karla alone, it's over. Did you stir?
Where were you this morning, I think you're gonna watch me practice oh
Sorry, I forgot
Why are you coming to my game on Friday night? Actually? I'm going to lens party with Stacy
You know what there's someone else who actually cares about me goodbye Carla
So what's the kinkiest thing you've ever done in bed
The two of us licked whipped cream off each other once
That was pretty what about you? I don't know
Little Shawn what my parents are watching
Does they have to be the kinkiest thing done together no it could have been on your own Wow
One time I had sex with this black guy while his best friend
Did me in the ass and then I stuck to both their dicks at the same time?
That's great
We shoot we cram it all in that's what she said yeah, you guys know what I'm talking about that's the next station
All right, we're all good in a circle. This is great. Okay?
Let's talk about
penises, that's
right everyone I
Said the big P word okay, now the most common question what's normal?
Simple answer there's no such thing penises come in a variety of different shapes and sizes
As you can tell from the molds cast from actual penises we have here
Got them all different from all over the globe now the next one. We'd like to call the fireplug
It's short and stocky, but boy when you get it excited
Like a sawed-off shotgun, I tell ya
This one's called the tadpole. Why is it called the tadpole? It's it's got a larger head tapering down into a smaller shaft
we like to call this guy the
mushroom cloud
Now this is an interesting one looks small, but you know how to use it they tell you it's a quite a powerful weapon
It's called the the torpedo, man. You know what I mean with a meat cone?
It's got a tiny head tapering into a large shaft nice
And that guy around that's a good one we like to call that one the roto-rooter next we have what's called
The super-huge that's right
We also like to call this the great American challenge ladies. You're gonna. Love the cervix stimulation on that guy
Okay this next one's interesting all right. I found this one online
It's the doubleheader ladies and gentlemen it is out there believe me and that around okay everyone pass them around
Look, I'm up and down now breathe
Okay
Gentlemen the penis is in your hands that is your penis
Ladies put your penises down and partner up with the person closest to you
It looks like we got a small one huh yeah
Okay, now. I'm gonna hand out some condoms for each group there. You go everyone get a condom now ladies and gentlemen
I'm gonna have you put the condom on the man's penis together
Okay the reason I'm having you put these condoms on together is because contraception is both partners responsibility
Micah looks like you got a little room there. That's because Mike you have a very small penis
Okay everyone let's talk about fetishes
Now a fetish is
Basically an obsession with leather black leather and bits mouth bits who likes a ball in their mouth
Wait no would be even hotter what
This you want me to wear a hat oh yeah, baby that shit is so hot okay, yeah
Wait you don't else would be so smoking what?
This big mole what it's hot trust me for me fine
Now can we do it
Boy what the hell what I didn't want to say this but you clearly want to have sex with Abraham Lincoln, that's crazy
Is it look around you Ronnie you're obsessed with him. He was a great man. What's wrong with paying tribute
Paying tribute is one thing trying to turn your girlfriend into him so you can get a hard-on is another
I'm out of here. Call me when you get some therapy
So
That's my last beard
Into the past
Ladies you do not I repeat you do not have to have sex with a guy for him to like you
But it helps
Want to remain a virgin until you're married to words, but?
Sex look if you like to be choked it's okay everyone likes a little just don't go too far
Blue is a warning sign
So what's the kinkiest thing either one of you has ever done in bed?
I'm at the club one night
And I meet this little white chick right so next to no I get in the air, man
And she lets me take her back to my spot, and she did me and him at the same time
Big O 12-pound pussy, maybe we should go there from there was a lot of acrobatics in that motherfucker
You know you know what she was small, but she did a lot of big things, baby. Hey Kim
Women spend most of their time stretching their breasts adding a new ring, Oh each year, they'd probably like it money when I stretch
It's Saturday night you guys are getting stiff. He's watching PBS. You're pathetic John rrj whatever not
stupid
He's right. You know. I mean, this is pathetic. What else are we gonna?
Do sorry we can actually get laid just watch this no less be coming with the way to build an artificial woman from your computer
Then program her to have sex with this
Like really
I guess that means you don't they don't have to mean I come give mama taste of that sweet chocolate
Humidor and I don't know
Come out come out wherever you are
This time you're
Barry Leon
Press ENTER now
I
Know you're probably too young to be thinking about marriage
But take it from me if you find somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with there's nothing better
Thanks, sweetie, but before you get married
Make sure you explore your options dyes and bone as many chicks as you can
Well ladies be sure you take the long way doing dick Todd - I
begged at least 50 guys before I met this asshole sitting next to me here I
had a group of girls - it was no accident that I invited the
electrician and a plumber on the same day
Guys listen up if you're planning on having a threesome you better do it before you get married
But trust me there's no better
sensation
Then - we were making out while riding your Johnson
I almost forgot booked yourself a ticket - I sleeping with your fiance's best man
And his brother
Interception very hard
Great
Oh
Can you pass the mashed potatoes, please sure man, thank you
Everything is delicious dear
Did you pick up your condoms for the poem yeah, they gave mouth for free. It's cool
Honey is your vagina ringing
Sounded like him
Okay, we've learned a lot here class dismissed
I'll see you all tomorrow now remember your permission slip for the field trip
Listen stays down. Why can I talk to you for a second?
Later yes
So Mike how are things going with you and Stacey oh?
Great you know we're really good friends. We've hey
Don't bullshit a bullshitter, bro. I know you're into Stacey you want to know rap about it
Yeah, I mean, I like Stacey a lot, I mean, what do I do how do I?
Tell her how I feel. That's a good question you don't I?
Don't know
You see Mike a girl like Stacey is way out of your league yeah
What do you mean?
I mean, I thought you were all about breaking the rules and there are no rules and we're all equal
I am just not when it comes to you and Stacey you see Mike a
Girl like Stacey to get her boy
You need like a truckload of cough syrup and a vat of malt liquor
Really mellow or out you know what I mean, but not knock her out. That's a whole different class altogether
What Mike you need to go after something more attainable? You need to find somebody who's a lot less?
pretty sure
You might have to go up a few weight classes a little more than you're uncomfortable with probably buck fifty two bills
I'm not sure somebody hasn't seen the light of day in quite a long time acne scars fangs for teeth
Bad hygiene retarded if you will but hey
Sometimes keeping it real hurts little bro, but in the end we're all stronger people
Now go out there and get an ugly chick or a whore good luck
Good talk
Now a quick word from our sponsor
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Go to pussy Troy calm come on guys like a pussy trap
Relax everybody farts, this is huge across the far barrier really
I
Don't feel comfortable with you
Damn now that's just nasty
I
was like
Totally in 11th grade and I had sex with Carl little it is the Winnebago
Wait I thought I was your first person in December maybe I
Love you
Brad
Brad Taylor
I'm in sweats need love, too
Hey, man, she was riding you like a pogo stick wait for it
Let me introduce you to the screamer Griffon this chick is amazing, which is why I invited her over here today. Yes
We're gonna be right here to make sure you go through with it
That's a little sister's baby monitor hooked up in your room
We don't have the other air right here, so we can listen in no not happening this not happening. No. Yes. No yes
No, there's two things
up too late
Mike
Why don't I just grab some earplugs real quick
No man is it broke
What are you waiting for
I'm sorry. I can't do this
What there's this girl in my high school, and I really like her great? I didn't have a back-up plan now. I've got a
Go fuck a trucker or cab driver or a homeless guy
Would you possibly think that maybe you could go through the back door?
Just so you know you're giving up a sure thing
Your friend said that you were desperate for it
Last chance
Honest I know we did he better not be pushing out. He's definitely pushing out. Let's go see what's going on with the dumbass
Are we back in action
You know I would tell you to go fuck yourself, but it sounds like you just did
Come on what you know I made an abstinence pledge, I promised myself I'd wait until a short was with the right guy I
Thought I was the right guy you might be I'm just not sure
But I like you
Girlfriend don't have that's right. You're not gonna turn
Otherwise that back
At least you should be able to do with this for
But I want you to know that I really do care about you, and I've known that since the first time I saw you and
I'm never gonna get laid I'm such a loser
I'm gonna go to a chat room. Did you know I mean, I met her in teamloli voice look you're I'm team and I'm lonely
Anyways, it's really there's not a lot of girls in that chat room. It's mostly older guys
They interested in photography see that's kind of creepy
It is at first, but you know
Once I made it clear that I was at emo in the market for a teen girl
Ladies we're just coming out of the Woodworks, and now I have a girlfriend her name is Randy isn't that a guy's name
it's both I
I mean she says she's a little time
She send you a picture no
But I sent her tons of mine both of them are naked. It's awesome
Well, maybe I'll give it a try and they maybe if you're lucky someday. You'll have a rainy just like me
Sweetiepie except
Sex chat
Sure
Okay, I'm Justin a tight mini dress walking down a dark alley. I'm completely alone and vulnerable
Then you appear out of the shadows you wear all black a ski mask over your head
You approach me menacingly and say
Hey, what's up?
Was that wrong
menacing okay
What are you doing in my alley? Oh? No you stay away from me lost
Alone and half naked, but I have mace don't try and take it manage of me
Okay, sorry no problem. Do you need cab money?
Be aggressive. I want it
Ah-ha-ho weird I'm afraid. I don't care about nice prepare to be attacked
sexually
That was amazing we should meet
Come to 49 Covington Avenue apartment 8 tomorrow night at 10:00 wear a mask take me against my will
Don't break character. Oh
Hello dear oh hey Jane doing anything special tonight, nope just baking cookies for my niece
Did somebody order the rape
You can run, but you can't hide from forced sexual intercourse
Well yo be careful you're gonna hurt me I mean you you won't be so feisty when I'm when I'm violating you sexually
Did somebody order the rape
But oh
Hey Betty. How's it going tom? Oh? It's just been kind of a crazy week. It's a long story
You know fed. I've been thinking. We've been friends for a really long time. Yeah
Maybe it's time we take things to the next level next level
Hey, baby, this is for you, I love you. You're the only one for me. I hope
I'm
In your mouth, babe
Just like blueberry Oh
God
Hi
He look like he just suggests
I
Had a really bad dream
Okay, I'm here
I had an amazing son
I'm sorry give a toilet. Oh yeah, it's right over there
Who the hell are you why don't you ask your dick, what is going on here relax Len
Jenny mattress Dutch diarrhea
I'll air that out
All right what I need right now is for you to leave my house my parents are coming home this afternoon
And I need to start cleaning up those weren't your parents we met last night. My parents are in Cancun yeah Yeah, right?
If you say your parents aren't here then we'll just believe that your parents weren't here
Maybe it was your aunt and uncle I don't care
I came here to fuck and get fucked and you know I could fuck the last night fucked good
Okay, very funny the UH the jokes over this has been a delightful little prank that you guys are played on me
But now it's time for you to respect my wishes and please get the hell out of my house
Yeah
You're right the whole thing was a prank after we invited you for a threesome
I got blueberry yogurt, and I smeared it all over my face and your boss
Yeah, all a joke please just get the hell out
Fine whatever
Please just just leave
Maybe
Swear just just
Hello so you guys are home early
Did you just get in
How was your second honeymoon
Get the hell out of our sight
Okay
Just a minute
What do you been doing a little spackling working the ceiling oh
God dad no this. It's not your mother, and I discussed it with you limb well
Look at her
You don't understand son. I have one question for you, and I'm only gonna ask it once
Have you been sneaking behind our backs and being on a hidden-camera show
What look over there?
Wait wait wait, so I didn't fuck you and you didn't fuck me fuck
Definitely my boyfriend's head he's amazing
I
have to say
your boyfriend Ted also
When did you sleep with Ted?
Yeah, I have to say Ted for me to
Say when Charlotte and I both separatin yeah, that was a great night. I'd say Ted, too
Fellas personal advice from me to you get in there and shave that shit up
Visually it will give yourself an extra two three inches alcohol and sex don't mix
cocaine and sex
If you don't have a rubber don't panic whatever you do watch this right Halla. Sec, babe. Let me grab my Jimmy hat
And then pantomime, oh, it's so small the rubber
And then you lock and load she'll never know
I mean, I'm a kitchen insider you
Know what it can wait amen faking orgasms lately what?
Are you okay
Yeah
Why is that guys are tall?
great, yeah, yeah, okay, just
Try go clean up before you
See you outside, okay?
Guys got can someone help me get off the bus hello
Hello there you are everybody's waiting for you
Great job girls Nancy nice looking very good sucking -
Okay, he's here
It's about time listen. I know it's your first day, but you got some stuff to shoot all right
listen
The way I view this film, it's a spiritual successor to rebel without a cause only with a lot more fucking
Right yes, I think there's been a really looking forward to working with you
Jackie and I are especially curious. How you got the name of Jay gun dope cock oh
I can't wait to wrap my hands around the biggest penis in the biz
Penis I haven't heard that word for a long time. I usually just call it dinner mm-hmm. Okay, everybody on set
Told you they wouldn't have any beard oh, man, how was I supposed to know oh?
Man sweet car you just help these girls fix their car and still repay you you get to bang?
Nancy right here she's gonna start by blowing it then you're gonna do some backdoor stuff to jacking bro check this out after that
Just feel free to improvise
All right
Hey, you're gonna need a fluffer
All right, let's see that Jack condo cock
Actually, thank you so much for fixing your call how can we ever repay you?
Cut hey sorry I'm late, I'm jogging the cock
Yeah, I'm not jug under cock I'm just a small-town hick
an 18 year old virgin
With a super tiny dick
Kid I've seen this once before a boy who wished he was Angley
Found he could frame a shot, that's right that little boy was me
It wasn't my first choice
We're jocks Adelie incidentally making
Making boy, not me I do it cuz I fucking like
We don't want you to get it screwed, let us be
Hurry I won't stay wet
Yeah
Wow thanks for being so cool about everything
I feel like I should tell you though. I don't really think this is the life for me
You got balls kid
Very large balls you show that kind of confidence in real life. You're gonna be fun just fine
All right, let's reset back to one
Dude what happened in there after we laughs Kenny all those chicks
Stacy
I'm not sexually experienced, and I'm not some famous porn star named jogando Kaka
I'm just some regular kid who just wants to ask out a very
Very beautiful girl
Don't cloth has ten
Fellas you gotta be respectful of your ladies whatever you do don't go around your boys telling them all the gruesome details
But me on the other hand I'm married with two kids
I like all dirty stuff this website will go directly to me and only me send me all pictures
Streaming videos letters as bizarre as you want. I'll read them all and masturbate all night. Thank you. I'm Matthew Lillard
Ladies you do not I repeat you do not need to have sex with a guy for him to like you
but it definitely helps in a if that's too much a
blowjob works every time
Fuck I have two daughters this is terrible, okay, right?
All right, let's see that fire hose
All right, let's see that time
Do I interact with blue ball, you're mine. Let me see that long slow wrinkled stick Oh Ronnie
You've got balls kids big large oversized brass balls. What's the fun?
No
Sex is not just a physical commitment
It's an emotional commitment
And if you're not ready to handle that then you should use an escort service on behalf of all hot women everywhere
I'd like to set the record straight, so all you shall owe this reputable man
Who think that by dropping a bunch of money on us? We'll get you laid to begin with
Why do we have to spread our legs after three dates?
That is the grating disrespectful and just plain wrong
Dating is about romance opening the car door for me surprising me with flowers
writing a poem
Letting me suck your cock
Bobby nobody on the sexual just because you're in glee club
Shit
porno titties
Do you think I learnt this accent for my house?
Why the hell do you think I'm going up with you? Here's a head? I can't go down on myself sasquatch
My advice about sex be safe always use protection unless of course. She's a Vietnamese hooker then oh
Wow, didn't I?
Take your chances
So remember the hot woman's credo
Put out or get up
Themselves
Do you think I like going out with you? Hell? No I'd rather be at home
Using my pocket pistol on my doll then wasting three dates trying to get late Mike Jacobs
You have a small cup anyway
Mr.. Matthews
Dig into it well. I'm not afraid to share I exposed myself. I collect pubic hair from previous relationships
Look at me, I'm crazy
Okay
Yeah
Hey, come on partner. Not just a sex ed teacher. Also a dude flush and ball
Somebody who's got special needs blind girls
violently desperate
Criminy a hunchback somebody swinging a bell and their south of France glass
I probably bad skin crooked teeth, hos
Unless you find a way to program an otter
unless
you can make a way to front it jeez
unless we
Find a way to make an artificial woman off your computer
Hey, baby, this is for you
You have to be adventurous when it comes to sex carpe diem seize the moment as long as there's a naked woman somewhere in the
Room it's not gay, and it's definitely not cheating if you do it with the chick that turns out to be a dude
Especially if he/she is really fucking hot
And it's definitely not cheating if the chick turns out to be a dude
Who's really hot with?
Looks like an ass meal
We got ourselves a full meal I hope you brought your appetite we got a big one
Nance I hope you brought your appetite
Got yourself a man-sized meal
Ladies you're gonna get the chance and I hope you both both brought your appetites
Because this one's packing a full meal
Don't be nervous kid go in there knocking bitch
It's okay to choke your partner out, it's okay to be choked out just don't go to the INXS place
This one is called the G snail example or the Napoleon I like to call it because it's mean short and angry
You know a sawed-off shotgun looks like this is what it is or a can of corn?
It's also called the purple mushroom or the lord Vader this was from a botched tranny job, but
Telling you, it's they happen. They're real
Let's pass them all around get a feel for them grab the shaft pick up the balls do the whole nine yards
Kick the tires and check the traps if you know what I mean this one is called the tag for the meat if you will
And if you can't afford an escort service find a crack whore it's useful on a pinch
School
You could find a crack whore and just hit her with a rock
Just get a crack whore
somewhere
No rocks just suck to a dick for a doll
A DS. I think you want to take them a long road to dick tonic -
So again my name is Matthew Lillard, and thank you for spending a little time with me. I hope my advice has helped
My darling the stars they shine for you
My daughter's Twitter for you
My darling my heart skips a beat
Down to this morning sky, I pray and dream that I
Fuck squeeze my tits all big and bouncy then spunk all over my body
I want to be your but hot greasy slut Grisi slut
beg inform all poor I can't get enough can't get
No
When I leave your pool you stop
I won't stop then Oh, No I'll become your
Hello sue
Yeah, I'm in I'm in 1864 let me move to a window
That's better Ronny up are you gonna be okay?
Yeah
The first time I think I am